Sep 11Turn Down the Static, and Regain a Sense of True NorthWith all of the noise about politics, social media drama, and issues of the day, it can be incredibly hard to maintain an authentic sense of direction. Sometimes I feel like I am spinning as I try to focus on each crisis served up by life. In this environment, it…Happiness4 min read
Sep 5Expansion Around Mistake-MindsetIn psychology we teach people to argue with self-defeating thoughts and preoccupation with mistakes — either fear that we will make them or that they are catastrophic (as if they are completely avoidable). …Perfection3 min read
Aug 2810 Things I’ve Learned about Doing Therapy[A blog like this needs to come with informed consent. I graduated with my Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology back in 2000, and I have had a private practice in addition to teaching/consulting since that time. …Therapy4 min read
Aug 5Love Stories and Other BullshitI believe in love. Seriously, I do. I just don’t believe in fairytale love. I believe in real love — the messy kind, the annoying kind, the kind that takes a lot of work. In order to get to real love, you have to cut the bullshit, and this involves…Relationships3 min read
Jul 14Addicted to Love? MaybeOver the years, I have worked with a lot of folks who ask me: “Am I addicted to bad relationships?” Early on in my career, I would smile and assure the person “absolutely not.” It was simply impossible in my mind because I saw addiction as being associated with a…Relationships4 min read
Jun 24It’s Just a Chapter — Not the Whole StoryBreakups suck. They just do. Even if we know they are for the best. Maybe it is because while we are in a relationship we are writing the rest of the story in our heads. We are drafting what could be instead of focusing on what is. Forecasting in relationships…Love4 min read
Mar 20Coaching Tool 3: Meta-AwarenessMeta-awareness is a crucial element of psychology training — that is learning to converse with others while simultaneously noticing oneself conversing with others. Think of it as split awareness. You are fully engaged in the conversation but also aware of your thoughts, reactions, and the dynamics of the interaction (i.e…Leadership4 min read
Feb 2Coaching Tool 2: LegacyOne of my favorite questions to ask executives is: What do you want your legacy to be? The really good executives respond with genuine modesty…. something like: “It’s not about me… it’s about the team” or “If I left tomorrow, things would be just fine without me.” But I always…Executive Coaching2 min read
Jan 21Apparently Narcissism is ContagiousI never learned in school that narcissism could be contagious. In fact, I would have genuinely laughed at the sentiment if someone asked me (ten years ago) if narcissism was contagious. It’s not funny anymore. I’ve known all along that fear is contagious, and I’ve written much about that. Fear…Education5 min read
Nov 7, 2021It is Really White Guilt or Just Empathy? Let’s Talk about it.I’ve been hearing more people say that they don’t want talk of systemic racism (and sometimes even talk of America’s history of racism) in schools. The argument is that it will make White kids feel bad about themselves. Beyond the idea that we have to talk about history regardless of…Racism4 min read
