Why Your New Year Resolutions are Self-Defeating
The end of each year provides an underscored reminder to review what is working in life, what isn’t working, and what you’d like to do about all of it. While I would argue this can and should be done on an ongoing basis, there are a lot of social cues at the end of the calendar year that put life review front-of-mind.
Yes. This is the time of the year for new year resolutions, and I am all about self-improvement. The problem is that we go about it all wrong. I have some ideas about how to change the whole perverted process.
Let me switch gears for a moment. Think about work. Let’s say that you are contemplating shaking things up at work, engaging in quality improvement, implementing a new idea. You probably start by reflecting on what you want to keep and what you want to change. You probably also talk with others on the team about your ideas. You may even have a meeting or two (or twenty). Once you flesh out more specifically what needs to happen, you develop a plan for THE PROJECT.
THE PROJECT also gets named because it is so important….. The Reach Out Initiative, The Automated Wellness Service Line, The I CARE Strategy. Along with a name comes an assigned project manager or person who is tasked with shepherding, troubleshooting, and monitoring progress of THE PROJECT.
THE PROJECT is associated with multiple measures of success in the short-term and long term. There are goals AND objectives across multiple domains because you recognize that success is measured in a variety of interrelated ways across situations. There are even more meetings to monitor progress, and changes are made in the plan every. step. of. the. way.
Why do we do business in this way? Because we understand that change is complex. Culture, habits, humanity all get in the way, and success is something that takes a lot of thought, planning, and agility.
Back to you and your life.
Why do we disregard all of these important project management principles when it comes to change in our own lives? I hypothesize it is because we think it should be easier. We expect more of ourselves — that we are somehow exempt from the rules. We get jacked up one day and make a decision based on impulse and run with it, which is what we would never do in the workplace. Why? because we understand that impulsive decisions ensure catastrophe.
I submit to you that it is self-defeating to declare a new year resolution — no matter how good it is — without doing the same project planning you would at work.
What are your goals — measured in multiple way across multiple domains — and why do you want to achieve these? You write them down in your project tracker alongside all of the resources you will need, identification of barriers, development of a plan to adjust strategy, and you have regular meetings with yourself to analyze the data.
Another point. At work, even when outcomes aren’t meeting expectations, you would recognize effort and analyze the process. In a healthy workplace, there would not be finger pointing at one person. At work, you would acknowledge strengths of the team and build upon these to connect folks with tasks that play to those strengths.
To be successful in your own change, you need to take time to do a strength inventory, and highlight what you do well. Exploit your strengths! Along the way, take time to recognize what you are doing well even if you aren’t nailing everything you want to achieve.
What I am saying is that we are defeating ourselves before we even begin on self-improvement when we don’t use the skills and strategies that are proven to work because we somehow expect that those rules don’t apply. That’s a little fucked up, don’t you think, i.e. self-defeating?
Be smarter. Use what you know works. Adjust accordingly. Do not quit. There is no timeline on being better. There is only learning. Carry on.
I think that it takes a lot of courage to show up and live life, and I think we all have a little badass inside that we take for granted/ignore/don’t see. Want to know more about what makes you badass and how to channel that energy into more personal growth? Check out my new book, Badass Stories: Grit, Growth, Hope, and Healing in the Sh*tshow available where you buy books.
