What Makes You Badass?

Few of us think of ourselves as badass. Either we don’t give it much thought, or we see such self-recognition as conceited or narcissistic. There is also a tendency to overlook our strengths altogether.

More often, we are focused on what makes us the opposite of badass. We are hyper-focused on the flaws, imperfections, mistakes. It’s as if we believe that we can shame ourselves into being better even though shaming just makes us feel worse.

The thing is, despite the social media posts, we all have embarrassments and histories that make us want to crawl into holes. However, when we recoil into the darkness of humiliation, we lose the opportunity to learn and grow. I propose to you that if we really look, we will find badass in the dark times and places, dumpster fires, shitshows, and cringefests of our lives.

Someone had the courage to show up and play the hand. Someone has the courage to keep going. I hope that someone is you. You may retort, “What choice did I have?” My reply is that we all have choices. You could have given up. You could have let darkness win. Yet, here you are.

Strangely, we treat ourselves differently compared to the graces we allow others. When helping others, we understand that we cannot assist by being laser focused on what went wrong. Effective teaching involves highlighting all the right things that happen along the way. Each and everything that you survive has the potential to teach you something about how to face future challenges. In that sense, mistakes are necessary, welcome, and useful. Hardship, while not welcome, remains instructive.

One of my favorite questions to people in their darkest times: Is this the worst thing you’ve ever faced? If not, what was worse? What got you through that? If it is the worst challenge, what experiences can you summon to inform you now?

Growth is becoming. We are all on the path to becoming, but we will never be there because there is no there (other than death). The bigger question is how can we build on where we have been and continue becoming in ways that acknowledge our strength, survivorship, and badass.

I propose to you that badass is the courage to show up for the ordinary bullshit of the day with the perseverance of grit, the wonder of growth, the hope of better, and the willingness to find healing in a world that prefers to sow conflict. Badass is the often overlooked orneriness to persist in spite of the odds.

I have a question for you as you begin to ponder what 2024 looks like: What really makes you badass? Take a look in the mirror. The person you see have been through some things. The person is still in the game, and that says something. Recognize yourself. I promise you that there is worth beyond what what you’re paid, beyond what you have, beyond the superficial world messages you receive.

Take a piece of paper, and lay it horizontally. Draw line across the page. At the beginning write: Birth. At the end, write: Death. Now, fill in major life events you have experienced, both good, bad, and simply lived. I’m going to guess that it looks significant pieced together, and since you’re doing this, you aren’t at death yet. What do you want to fill in the space that is left? Do you want to spend that time focused on what went wrong?

I recall a morning show episode during the throes of the pandemic. It was a parenting segment, and the expert said: If you consider the parts of childhood you remember, you may have 10 summers of fun and adventure before serious work and responsibility. Do you really want to waste even one? That is a fantastic philosophy on the years of our life.

How much time do you want to waste on the past, on things that went wrong, on mistakes?

Instead, how about: What have you survived that makes you badass? What badass qualities do you want to channel into 2024+?

Want to know more about how to channel your inner badass? I’ve got a lot more ideas. Check out my book, which is full of stories and ideas to re-introduce you to your badass self. (Available where you buy books)