Self-Defeating Beliefs about the Shitshow of Life

Genetics combined with the first 18 years (or so) of life shape how we view the world, ourselves, and other people. They are the foundation of our beliefs and biases.

For example, I may have been born optimistic with loving parents who taught me to believe in myself. As a result, I grow up feeling confident. On the other hand, maybe I was born highly sensitive to criticism and I heard over and over from my parents that I was “not good enough.” I grow up with sense of unworthiness.

These beliefs shape all that I experience in the world, and I may not even be aware of them.

Beliefs that are not healthy are called self-defeating because they become barriers to our success. They cause us to get in our own way even when they are not based in reality.

Most of us have some self-defeating beliefs — i.e., everyone should like me or I have to look a certain way or I will never measure up. Self-defeating beliefs box us into corners. We allow them to trap us in emotional quicksand. The fix is to become aware of and challenge the beliefs instead of blindly allowing them to dictate our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

One common set of self-defeating beliefs involves the shitshow of life. These beliefs get in the way of our freedom and happiness.

I am here to torpedo some typical self-defeating beliefs about the shitshow of life, and in doing so, I will free you of their burden because they’re simply a waste of time.

Self-defeating beliefs about the shitshow of life:

  • I am the only one living in a shitshow. This is serious denial. Every single person alive has a personal shitshow. Each one looks different has different characters, but you are not alone in the shitshow world. Telling yourself this only makes you feel more isolated and ashamed, and it is a fucking lie. Just because people aren’t out on social media sharing the shitshow doesn’t mean they don’t have one. WE ALL HAVE A SHITSHOW. I know this because life itself requires a shitshow. Without a shitshow there is no life. It just isn’t possible because we are humans.
  • My shitshow is worse than anyone else’s. Wow. This is judgmental. Your shitshow only feels worse because it’s yours. You don’t have the emotional baggage of other people’s shitshows so it is impossible to know that yours is so much worse. The grass looks greener because you don’t have to tend that lawn.
  • I can control my shitshow. If only. This is magical thinking because the shitshow of life by definition is not controllable. It just is. You can control your own behavior, and you can influence your shitshow by setting boundaries; however, control is an illusion.
  • The shitshow will go away (or get better). This is also magical thinking. By the way, how’s this belief working for you? As I have said, the shitshow of life is life. Accepting that every time you open your eyes, an element of the shitshow will be right there should give you an element of predictability. Leaning into the shitshow takes away its power over you.
  • I am a fraud because other people don’t think I have a shitshow. Seriously, get real. Other people know you have a shitshow and that you’ve just been hiding it. People will like you so much more when you get honest.
  • I am a victim of my shitshow. This is perhaps the most self-defeating shitshow belief of all. Because the shitshow is life, you have a role. You can own it, or the role can own you. Things won’t always go your way, but you decide what to do with it. Don’t give your shitshow the power.
  • There are places where the shitshow does not exist. Again, this is a form of denial. The shitshow of life is everywhere — no matter where you go — it’s waiting for you.

In response to self-defeating beliefs about the shitshow of life, I propose some affirmations to free yourself of its power over you.

Shitshow affirmations:

  • I give myself permission to stop trying to control everything about my shitshow.
  • I give myself permission to be imperfect.
  • I give myself permission to be real and human.
  • I give myself permission to accept and celebrate the wild, crazy ride of life without having to judge it.
  • I give myself permission to know that I am not alone.
  • I give myself permission to laugh instead of cry.
  • I give myself permission to detach, to watch shit unfold without having to take responsibility for it.
  • I give myself permission to allow others their own mistakes.
  • I give myself permission to stop trying to fix, rescue, or intervene.
  • I give myself permission to focus on myself.
  • I give myself permission to disown the shame associated with the shitshow.
  • I give myself permission to create boundaries around the shitshow.
  • I give myself permission to move on motherfucker to more important issues in my life.

If you buy what I am saying, you should save at least an hour a day of worrying, planning, and wasting time trying to control your shitshow of life. If you want to know more, check out my book, Move on Motherf*cker: Live, Laugh, and Let Sh*t Go on, (5 stars!),, or

Author of Move on Motherf*cker: Live, Laugh, and Let Sh*t Go. Using CBT, mindfulness, humor, and profanity to feel better.