Self-Defeating Belief #3

Bad things surely will happen with or without your intervention. You aren’t that powerful after all.

I remember early in training being taught that I could see the person across from me as a victim (invoking pity) or a survivor (invoking awe).

If I see the other person as a victim, I am powerful because they need me. I have the answers. I am unintentionally judgmental and condescending. If I see the other person as a survivor, I see strength and resilience. I am merely alongside to reflect, listen, and support. I recognize that I don’t have the answers.

The next time you find yourself seeing someone else as a victim, be aware that trying to save someone or fix problems for others is disempowering. It does not allow for the pain of learning and growth. Swooping in with an answer is robbing another person of the chance to discover a solution with all of the learning that comes along with that that journey. Rather, it is giving yourself the false comfort that you have helped, but did you really?

You can guilt yourself into action, but it is often for the wrong reason.