Pathologizing Normal

To paraphrase a famous song, there is something happening here.

I am noticing more and more people questioning normal tendencies as if they are deeply flawed. The last five years I have seen a spike among young people identifying as having a mental disorder based on self-diagnosis. People wonder if something is wrong with them because they seemingly differ from peers (real and those in the public eye) in (subjectively) objectional ways. Still others find themselves upset in difficult situations and don’t like being upset even if there is good reason to be so. The conclusion is that they must have depression or an anxiety disorder. Absolutely everyone has ADHD, which I am concluding is an understandable side effect of information overload, but hear me loudly say that we need to stop pathologizing normal differences.

This first came to my attention many years ago when I began to meet people who believed they had bipolar disorder, which is not all that common. When I asked why they believed they had this, they would give examples like this: When I wake up, I am in a good mood. By the end of the day, I am really grouchy, and my mood is up and down. When I asked more questions, the mood shifts were understandable, but the people somehow believed their moods should be even all of the time. By this definition, having a range of emotional reaction is wrong, when in fact, that is how we are programmed.

People also try to label folks they have conflict with as bipolar or mentally ill as a means of somehow undercutting the other person’s credibility. These days, I am hearing that everyone you don’t like is a narcissist. While I get the allure of labeling people we find obnoxious, narcissistic personality disorder is also not that common. We all have elements of being self-centered, which is a universal attribute of being human, but that doesn’t make a narcissist. What it does do is make us feel superior to label the person we don’t like as pathologically flawed.

The most recent trend I am seeing is around attachment. If someone feels uncertain or insecure in a new relationship, they must have an attachment disorder. If someone feels insecure in any way, that too is an attachment disorder. Not. Feeling insecure in new social relationships is normal. It is healthy and expected. Being unhappy in difficult circumstances is a typical reaction. Each and every one of us has difficulty concentrating in a rapidly changing, overscheduled, overstimulated world.

The fact of the matter is that evolution requires diversity of traits. This means that not everyone is going to be wired or programmed the exact same way. This ensures that qualities are spread amongst people to increase chances of survival. Differences are a good thing! Just because you find that you have an unusual reaction or style of being that differs from your friends, doesn’t mean that you are flawed. The vast majority of people do not have attachment disorders, bipolar disorder, and are not narcissists. Overuse of these terms creates unnecessary anxiety and diminishes the complexity of actual diagnoses, which deserve serious treatment.

What you see on social media is not necessarily reality.

I’m not quite sure if the desire to pathologize is a way to try and better understand or manage experiences or if it is a way to defend oneself against criticism from others. I can’t help it that I’m insecure. I have anxious attachment. I sometimes see diagnostic labels used as a way to fit in. People talk about their social groups where everyone has a diagnosis. They need one too.

While I celebrate the de-stigmatization of mental health concerns and the increasing freedom to talk about mental health, I object to excess labeling and pathologizing. We have unique experiences and perspectives, and that is okay. We should only be given a diagnosis when our symptoms reach the threshold of being so problematic that we aren’t able to engage in healthy function, social, or work interactions. The purpose of diagnosis is to get appropriate care.

Day 12: Stop looking at yourself through the lens of what is wrong. Cultivate an understanding and validating perspective.

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