No Assholery Allowed

Once I was at a party, and Kesha told a work story that many of us can relate to in some form. At Kesha’s place of work, they had a community lunch the day before, and there was leftover salad in one of those tin containers in the breakroom refrigerator. Kesha stopped in the breakroom to get a drink, and she found Roger eating out of the container with his fingers. Kesha paused, in shock, and retreated, not sure what to say. That is because one should never have to say to a coworker not to eat community food out of the container with fingers.

If you have done this or eaten food that wasn’t yours or borrowed food that wasn’t yours without asking, you have engaged in assholery. Assholery is defined, by me, as engaging in self-centered, rude behavior that you know (or should know) better than to engage in, but you do so anyway because you believe you can get away with it.

Some other examples of assholery are:

· Bullying or making fun of others

· Taking credit for shit you didn’t do

· Telling offensive or derogatory jokes at work or around people whom you don’t know share your sense of humor

· Talking down to people

· Behaving with entitlement

· Being abusive in words and behaviors

· Using other people

If you find these behaviors apply to you, it is time to rein in the assholery because it is super annoying to folks who are forced to interact with you. There are times when people cannot choose whose company to share. We deserve to have food at work without concern that you are sticking your fingers in it because you know you can.

If you find that you are around people who engage in assholery, call that shit out. Kesha went back to her office and sent an office-wide memo outlining appropriate breakroom behavior, specifically telling people not to eat food from the refrigerator with their fingers. That is an appropriate boundary for assholery, which needs to be explicit.

The reason some folks struggle with how to respond to assholery is that they feel it is somehow rude to call out rude behavior. I am here to tell you that it isn’t disrespectful because you would not have to do so had the other person not engaged in assholery. While it may feel dirty or condescending, clearly the other person doesn’t fully understand polite society, so best to speak plainly. Tell these folks to cut that shit out. No further explanation necessary.

In some cases, you may smell assholery before it fully presents itself. In that case, it is completely fine to preemptively give notice that assholery will not be tolerated, i.e., don’t try that shit here.

Day 10: No Assholery Allowed

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