How Would Someone Know You Need Help?
Have you seen the headlines about loneliness? It’s a big deal.
Research is quantifying the negative health impact of loneliness and social isolation, including increased risk of death. Maybe it is a result of being sequestered during Covid-19. Maybe it a consequence of social media. Reported loneliness is higher than ever.
What I have found striking is the number of people who appear to be socially connected reported still feeling isolated. These people tell me that while they are always there to lend a hand to others, they still feel alone, uncared for.
My question for these giving and lonely people is: How do others know you need help?
It seems to catch them off guard, and then it sinks in. When you are the one who jumps in to organize dinner trains, fundraisers, retirement parties, and appreciation days, it can easily be taken for granted that this is what you love doing. This is who you are — how your cup is filled. Your identity can become synonymous with helping. The unintended consequence may be that others don’t see you as in need of help because you are so caught up in helping others.
Regardless of how you feel or life circumstance, others may see you as impenetrably strong. I challenge you to consider that you may not be perceived as anything less than a pillar.
I ask again: How do people know you need help? Have you asked for help? Have you told others what you need?
Just because you are accustomed to pitching in without waiting for an invitation doesn’t mean others are similarly aware. Still others may be introverted and wary of intruding without an invitation. Despite how obvious you feel the circumstances indicate, it may absolutely be that others cannot read your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Before jumping to the conclusion that others don’t really care about you as much as you care for them, consider asking for help. I fully recognize this is a skill that may feel wonky, perhaps entitled or arrogant, simply because you are not used to using it. None of this means that asking for help is inappropriate. It just means you need more practice.
I remind you that allowing others to help is a grace. You give others the chance to feel special by doing good deeds, and everyone wins. It is all about connection.
