Freedom is Consciously Owning Your Shitshow
Spoiler Alert: Each and every one of us has a shitshow. The question is: Do our shitshows own us, or do we own our shitshows?
People may not advertise their shitshows and may, indeed, even try to hide them. They exist nonetheless — sometimes in the center of the public eye but also in the shadows of our lives. Conscious acknowledgement, acceptance, and integration of our personal shitshows gives us freedom — freedom to stop wasting energy, to stop trying to control, and to save our care for more important issues.
What is a Shitshow?
While there is no universally agreed upon definition, I suggest that a shitshow is more a personal characterization or feeling about our life circumstances. It is the perception of chaos or circus like atmosphere surrounding us. Shitshows refer to situations when we may feel out of control, embarrassed, unprepared, and wildly out of sync with the gold standard of having it all together.
I propose to you that everyone has a shitshow in some aspect of life, although the hope is that it is not permanent and ubiquitous in all aspects. I further suggest that life itself is the shitshow. Life serves up conflicts, dilemmas, drama, heartache, and innumerable opportunities to make regrettable choices. The end of all of this is death, which therefore makes life is the shitshow and the shitshow — life.
The Shitshow is not the Problem.
Since everyone has a shitshow, and the shitshow is not avoidable, the issue becomes how much time is wasted trying to fight the shitshow, run from the shitshow, or hide the shitshow. All the time spent on these activities are futile wastes of energy, and at some point, the shitshow begins driving our behavior. In other words, the more time we spend trying to control the shitshow, the more the shitshow actually controls us.
Think about this for a minute: what does your life look like when the shitshow is in charge — when you are reacting wildly to external circumstances? I bet it doesn’t feel so manageable.
Own Your Shitshow
If you give in and accept your shitshow as inevitable (without the judgment because judgment is not value added), you actually have more control. You acknowledge the inescapability of the shitshow; you are able to see it when it arrives; you recognize it as familiar; and you decide to let it play out without taking on the ineffective role of trying to control it. You can transcend it.
This is owning your shitshow. Being conscious about owning your shitshow takes away its power of you because you stop holding yourself responsible for managing it.
Think of the shitshow as similar to a change in the weather when you may have activities planned outdoors. Rain may be a disappointment and affect your plans, but it doesn’t have to ruin everything unless you let it. If you can transcend the judgment that leads to frustration and embarrassment and helplessness, you can reconsider your next move with an increased sense of empowerment.
This is owning your shitshow. And, I propose that it is best done consciously and intentionally. Some days you will win, and other days you will call a draw. The point is that you decide where your energy goes, and you can stop giving energy to battles that are decided before you even begin. You may even find that owning your shitshow allows you to detach enough to laugh. Life has a great sense of humor sometimes, but it’s an inside joke.
How do You Own Your Shitshow?
The first step is paying attention to your self-talk. What are you saying to yourself? Notice when you are getting aggravated. What is your inner dialogue? How is it helpful? Would you say that to someone else in a similar situation?
Next, try some counterstatements. Argue back with the inner critic. Tell it to shut up. Ask yourself what you have to lose by trying a new approach. Sometimes the less you try and control, paradoxically things fall into line. Challenge the assumptions that you somehow have control anyway. (If you did, the shitshow wouldn’t be happening.)
Get in touch with your inner observer. Suggest to yourself that you sit back and watch things unfold with a sense of humor. Catch yourself taking responsibility for others’ behavior. As if. Stop taking it personally. Other people are independent actors — not pieces on the chess board.
Ask yourself if you really want to go there. Do you really want to spend the time and energy fighting a battle that can’t be won? What are the costs? What might it be like to intentionally save your energy for something more important?
Practice. Practice. Practice.
Conclusion
Consciously and intentionally owning your shitshow may feel awkward, but I am suggesting that it is the only rational response. Otherwise, it is like fighting the weather. You can fight the weather, but you end up misguided. Life is wild and colorful and untamed. The result is depth and beauty and intrigue. This is the shitshow. It is baked in. What would your life look like if you laughed a bit more, enjoyed more of the unfolding, and consciously joined in this madcap thing called the shitshow of life? I bet it would look a lot like freedom.
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