Fear: The Vine that Chokes

As humans, we are wired with a set of basic common emotions. We may not like feeling all of them, but I submit to you that we have the emotions for a reason. Your approval of said emotions is irrelevant.

While it may be confusing, given what I just said, the emotions we have may or may not be rational given the situation or circumstances. For example, I might feel sad but not know why I am feeling sad. On a child’s birthday, I may feel joyous and sad all at once — grateful for the moment and melancholy that moment passes too quickly.

I view emotions as data points that need context for interpretation. We need to identify what we feel and question what it means for us at any given time in any given set of circumstances. We get into trouble when we impulsively react to the feelings as if their meaning is inherent.

Fear is an emotion that is particularly troublesome these days simply because there is so much going on in the world to feed the feeling. News headlines are filled with fear. Fear sells. If the news is able to invoke fear, people will watch because they want to know more. Fear also produces. Politicians know we will become activated if we are fearful. Advertisers understand this same principle.

The purpose of fear is kick us into gear to self-protect during times when we may be threatened in some way. Fear is meant to activate behavior. At the same time, fear is subjective. Some people are more prone to feeling fear than others. We may feel fear because something in our present environment incites a residual response from the past. We may also feel fear because we jump to conclusions or misperceive something that is happening. Again, it is so important to notice the feeling, label the feeling, and interpret the feeling in a broader context in order to extract meaning.

Some people are more prone to fear-based thinking because of biology, like anxiety disorders. Other people have been programmed to fear because of childhood experiences or traumas. Still others are simply distrusting either due to history or genetics.

The problem is that fear can easily take over our minds, and when we are acting upon fear, we are completely irrational. The more out of control we are, the more people respond differently to us, thus reinforcing a sense of alienation from others. We look at other people strangely. We keep them at arms’ length; they react strangely to us; and there is a vicious cycle.

Think of fear, in your mind, as a vine that keeps growing and growing. It becomes more and more tangled, and your attention is like watering the vine making it grow even faster. Eventually, the vined area takes up all of the space and chokes off healthier parts of your mindset. Fear chokes perspective. Fear becomes a cancer in your mind making it impossible to take in any other perspective. You become paranoid, always in search of the evidence to support your fear-based thoughts.

We live in a world where there are absolutely things that logically induce fear, but the problem is that humans are reacting as if everything is an existential threat. Fear has become an epidemic in our world. We have fear for health, safety, values, way of life, economics, terrorism, world events, natural disasters. Where will it end? If we live our lives in total fear, we become relegated to a small corner in life, at which point, one could ask if it is really living at all. Life is the place where we make a compromise between what we want and what we risk.

If we are going to find a place of enjoyment, we have to come to terms with fear tolerance. Life is found in the space where we feel like the risk is worth it. And, I might add that it is focusing on oneself instead of always looking over one’s shoulders to see what others are doing. Every time we lose sight of our own lives due to fear of others, we are losing our joy and freedom.

Cancer is defined as cell growth out of control. Fear out of control can become a cancer of your mind if you let it. The good news is that it is curable, but you have to fight it off with good boundaries. Shut off the news. Actively remind yourself of what you can control. Look for the actual evidence of risk. Make a decision about how you want to live your life. Do you want to keep white knuckling it through life? How’s that working for you?

Day 13: Chop down the fear vine before you can’t breathe at all.

I write humor-infused, evidence-based self-help that would make a cool holiday gift. My books are available where you buy books.