Confession as Therapy: The Truth Shall Set You Free
One thing I often hear in therapy is, “It sounds so silly when I say it out loud. I don’t know why I couldn’t figure it out for myself.” People muse that they pay a lot of money to speak aloud about struggles, yet speaking aloud to another person leads to healing. I understand this because I see it all the time
There is something soothingly therapeutic about honestly sharing thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and traumatic events of the past with someone who is nonjudgmental (as much as any human can be).
It isn’t that any of the information shared is new.
It IS that we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t feel or think those things.
It IS that we label those thoughts, feelings, behaviors and events as unacceptable.
To confess the whole mess is freeing.
When we share unacceptable thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and events with someone who just listens, understands, and validates, it is like an immediate release of tension. This has always amazed me.
Consider this: You have a big splinter lodged in your skin. There is a wound. It is infected. You clean and bandage it. It doesn’t heal. You take medication. It doesn’t heal. WTF?! Genuine healing cannot occur until you remove the splinter.
I can promise you that you are not alone in the baggage you carry. I’ve heard a lot, and I’ve never thrown anyone out or ran way. When I hear that someone has done things s/he is ashamed of, one of two things happens. Either I genuinely listen and accept that the person made a mistake. We focus on moving on from there. Or, I genuinely listen and try to undo the mistaken mindfuck of shame.
People find this so healing that sometimes only 1–2 visits are necessary. It is like confession.
James Pennebaker, Ph.D. wrote a booked called Opening Up By Writing It Down where he summarizes decades of research on expressive writing. There are actual studies showing that people who write about all of this embarrassing baggage experience similar relief.
Putting thoughts and feelings into words on paper actually leads to healthier bodies and minds. Although it isn’t clear exact how/why this happens, there is something about expressing it that helps us to make sense and let go.
I call this emptying your shit sack — whether you do it on paper or in the presence of another human being. It works.
The feeling of “I am the only one who thinks or feels this way” is so isolating. THAT is the problem. Thoughts and feelings happen. You can’t help them. They don’t define you. They merely mean you are human. If you act on unhealthy thoughts and feelings, you make mistakes, but that only makes you human too — no better or worse than any of the rest of us.
You see, we are all in this crazy life together. We are all motherfuckers sometimes. You are not alone. Be careful of telling yourself that you are not worthy of compassion and forgiveness. Be careful of telling yourself that you are not good enough. Be careful of telling yourself that other people are somehow better than you. This is dishonest, mean-spirited, and frankly, not helpful.
Take it from me. All that toxic bullshit you carry around is a choice…. A choice that weighs you down. Even if you have monumentally fucked up in life. Empty your shit sack. Do some expressive writing. Tell a really good friend who doesn’t judge. Talk to a therapist. Figure out what work needs to move past it. Healing begins when the self-abuse ends. #MOMF (Move On, Motherfucker)
