Boundaries & the Aura of, “Take That Sh*t Over There”
The word boundaries gets too much lip service without a deep level understanding of complexity, layers, and multi-dimensionality.
Boundaries are value-driven guides for our choices and the limits we set on ourselves and our spaces in the world. People often mistakenly think that boundaries are limits we place on others. The problem with this conceptualization is that other people are not required to follow our rules. We cannot and should not try to control others. The focus is inward — upon our selves.
In order to set boundaries, we have to have authentic relationships with our selves; we have to understand the difference between what brings us peace, happiness and joy and what brings us distress, restlessness, and pain; and we have to be brave enough to empower our selves to intentionally choose amongst realistic options based on our values. Underlying this liberty is validated self-worth, which may take intense work in and of itself to achieve.
I also want to be clear that having boundaries will not eliminate pain and heartache in our lives. They will just help cut down on invasive energy thieves.
When I think of boundaries, the image that comes to mind is skin, which protects us from a host of foreign enemies and holds our insides in place. Hopefully, we take care of our skin so it can do it’s job well when we are not giving it a second thought. This is what well-thought-out boundaries can do for you. They can protect you better (though not completely) from the drain of people over-stepping, others trying to manipulate your thinking, and other nonsense that robs you of time and energy.
Importantly, I think the boundaries you set with yourself are even more influential. Maybe it is setting boundaries around worrying, working or giving too much, and beating up oneself with judgmental thoughts. Boundaries may also be about giving yourself permission to walk away, to not feel guilt, and to indulge in self-care.
My thesis is that if we spend enough time working on a boundary-empowered mindset, we can develop forcefield much like skin. I call this an aura of, Take That Sh*t Over There. It is an energy signal into the world that you are not open to nonsense, bullshittery, or assholery — working as a protective barrier. I estimate, that this, alone, should cut back on the drain of stupid by 15-20%, although I admittedly have no hard data to support my claim.
If you are open to learning more and committing to working on a boundary-empowered mindset, check out my new book: Take That Sh*t Over There: How to Recognize and Repel Nonsense (available where you buy books). I also have a few words for those who violate the boundaries of others under the guise of helping when it is, in fact, overstepping — making it a great gift for loved ones!
