Boundaries Around Bullshit
Newsflash! Bullshit is everywhere! Watch where you step.
Seriously, we live in a world where bullshit is inescapable. Here’s the trick. If you are on the lookout for bullshit, you can effectively evade some of it. Of all the boundaries, this one, perhaps, is the most fundamental. It underlies so many of the others.
First, you have to wake up expecting the bullshit. This involves acceptance of bullshit as part of life with some level of unavoidable exposure. Second, you set your bullshit tolerance level for a particular day. How much bullshit do you feel is acceptable? How much can you take given other things going on? How much is baked into your schedule? How much is optional? How much sleep have you had?
The next step is making a plan for the bullshit. There is expected bullshit (like in meetings with rogue characters trying to impress one another or filling in free time on the agenda), and then there is the unexpected bullshit (like getting a flat tire, having the toilet malfunction, or dealing with someone eating your lunch from the breakroom refrigerator). You can only plan for the expected bullshit because there is no purpose in planning for what you don’t know may happen. Once you have assessed the potential for bullshit in your day, you can do things like appropriately caffeinating, building in an exercise break or deep breathing, or having something fun planned to offset the toxicity. You can steel yourself before going into a meeting (being honest with yourself that it will likely run over, and Paul will use all of the time pontificating about insignificant nonsense).
Because you have set your bullshit tolerance and know just how much you are willing to put up with, you should be prepared to draw the line with other bullshit. That means walking away from bullshit; ignoring bullshit; and shutting down bullshit because let’s face it, you are entitled to protect yourself, as we have previously covered.
Resting bitch face or having a bitch aura is a great way to prevent some level of bullshit from reaching you. This involves creating visuals, body language, and general vibes for people to stay the hell away from you. A colleague of mine taught me another cool trick. You start the day by announcing to others that you have a low bullshit tolerance. This actively communicates to people that they should take their bullshit elsewhere or face an unpleasant wrath. I am guessing there are fun little signs you can put by your desk to allow others to know your bullshit-o-meter for the day, although the risk is that you invite a certain level of bullshit when you indicate being open to it.
In the event that these methods seem too overt, you may wonder how to politely set boundaries around bullshit. You can tell someone to SWOT it out as previously covered. You can feign illness, a rash, or an emergency bathroom visit. You can preemptively weave into a potentially heavy conversation that you are dealing with home stress — like the dog’s diarrhea or teen pregnancy.
If you want a more lasting solution, let me share with you something I once taught to a person who had everyone stopping by her desk during the day to shoot the shit. This person was very kind and caring so the bullshit was drawn right to her, and she didn’t know how to get rid of it. The consequence was that she could never get any work done, and frankly, she didn’t want to hear any more bullshit. I told this person to say: Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt, but today is super busy. I am worried I won’t be able to get a project done. (NOTE: Do not say that you can talk later!) or Gosh, I’m noticing that I am falling behind in my work. I’ve really got to get back at it. Follow this up with avoiding eye contact or being too friendly, and the behavior may be extinguishable.
My personal trick is that I make a pronouncement that I am emotionally unwell. This is a loud and clear sign to avoid me like the plague. Works every time.
The bottom line is that boundaries around bullshit take effort. Sometimes you won’t even see it coming, which is why you need to be preemptive in your expectations and toolkit supplies so you are prepared regardless of the circumstances. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to have an air of zero bullshit tolerance. This will convey to others that you are not a bullshit safe person, and that is exactly what you want.
Day 14: Set your bullshit tolerance with intention.
I write evidence-based self-help books based on science, laughter, and authenticity. Check them out where you buy books.
