Be Smarter than the Monkey: Let Go of the Banana
In Full Catastrophe Living, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., tells the simple, yet illuminating, story of how monkeys are trapped. In full disclosure, I have not investigated the story’s validity. I don’t even care if it’s true, and neither will you because the moral of the story is aimed at humans.
The account goes like this: Hunters get a coconut and place a small banana inside. They cut two small holes in the back of the coconut, run a wire through the holes, and affix the coconut to the base of a tree. They cut a slat in the front of the coconut that is just big enough for a monkey to put its hand inside. A monkey comes along, reaches inside the coconut to grab the banana, and can’t pull its hand out while grasping the fruit.
The solution is obvious. The monkey could be free as soon as it releases the banana, but “most monkeys don’t let go,” according to Kabat-Zinn. As such, the monkey remains trapped, at the mercy of the hunters who swoop in to capture it.
As humans, we are similarly prone to becoming trapped by thoughts of “I have to,” “it must be,” “I can’t,” “I should,” and “I have no choice.” We cling to our own bananas: preferences, wishes, pre-conceived ideas, obligations, comparisons, fantasies, stereotypes, identity roles, social norms, habits. We probably don’t even realize what is happening when we trap ourselves by overlooking, ignoring, or disregarding alternatives that conflict with our prevailing narratives. We may never even consider letting go of the banana — just like the monkey — even though we have the ability.
The elegance of this story is the creation of distaste when comparing the primitive nature of our rigid thinking to that of monkeys. People get the point immediately. The trap is one that we, ourselves, set or easily fall into when others set it for us. We become predictable — simple — oblivious to choice.
When I say choice, I am not implying that the choices are easy or even attractive. Yet, there is power in recognizing that we have the privilege of choice, even if the choice is attitudinal alone. The empowerment comes from acknowledging that we own the independence of our action in the hopes of something better. There is also freedom in allowing the grace around mistakes for the purpose of learning and growth.
Like the monkey, all we have to do to be free of that which traps us is to let go. We can let go of rigid thoughts (musts, shoulds, have to’s, not good enough’s) and painful feelings (guilt, shame, embarrassment) that trap us in self-defeating cycles. We are more evolved than the monkey.
I make it sound easy, and I know it is not. The process begins self-awareness and mindfulness. It involves calling out patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It requires pausing the automatic reactivity and asking oneself about a more effective response. It is arguing with the inner critic that beats us down. It is allowing and trusting the pain of change and hoping for better.
This is mindfulness based cognitive psychology. It is a process, and I write books about it. Check out them out here. https://www.amazon.com/s?k=jodie+eckleberry&crid=38WKYUX8WNF1A&sprefix=Jodie+Eckle%2Caps%2C160&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_11
