Be Careful of People Who Try to Control You By Judging #MOMF
I was going to write about infidelity when I got our local newspaper this weekend. I saw that a local columnist wrote a “what is the world coming to?” article regarding cursing. She referenced two television advertisements where women used the word “damn.”
This columnist noted that the women (in her perception) were uncomfortable using the word “damn.” She went on to say that cursing isn’t “ladylike” and goes against “Christian” values, certainly not to be done in public or in front of children.
It pissed me right off. Let me list some flaws in this kind of thinking:
I looked up the word “lady” to be sure I understood the meaning. It means “woman of nobility or royal class” or just “woman.” Since the royals aren’t running around here, I’m going with the reference to all women. So, if a woman curses, she is less womanly. Interesting.
This kind of thinking went out of fashion about the time that women were granted the right to vote (if not earlier). There was no mention of how cursing makes men look.
This kind of double standard is a big problem for women who strive for equal treatment in society. It is particularly problematic when women judge other women on frivolous behaviors like cursing. There are enough barriers without us eating out own.
Next point: I like to think that as long as we aren’t cussing in a hurtful manner to another person, cursing doesn’t have to do with religion. My cousin is a priest, and he told me that priests cuss more than most people he knows. I am deeply troubled when people call other people “unChristian” as a method of control. I suppose it depends on your religion, but I thought religion was supposed to be about love and compassion. Regardless of religion, I believe we should watch our behavior, which is far more likely to cause harm than saying, “damn.”
Side point: I just completed a literature review on profanity, and the conclusion is that cursing helps us empty our shit sacks, be more emotionally healthy, and be less aggressive. Free your mind sister!
Final point: The most troubling part of this column is the grandiosity associated with publicly judging another person. Sure, we judge ourselves. It is that hard-wired negative self-talk I’ve harped on so many times. And, we all formulate mental judgments of others. That is also is hard wired because we are assessing threats around us and deciding what relationships will be related to our success.
I mentally judge others, and sometimes I call people assholes in my head. However, I reserve public judgment for those who have done something hurtful to others. I try to catch my judgments and argue before opening my mouth. I don’t have a clue what that other person is dealing with at any moment in time. However, I assure you that no one owns the truth. Being sanctimonious is dangerous.
I get the irony here as I am publicly judging the person who wrote this column, but I thought a long time before writing this, and I concluded that her words were hurtful. My criteria were met. Maybe that makes me grandiose.
I am afflicted with anxiety. The side effect of anxiety is that I am always questioning myself. I have a lot of self-doubt that I fight, but there is also some that I welcome. When I disagree with someone, I think about the content of the disagreement. I wonder what I am missing. I try to see issues through other eyes. I try to be aware that the way I see things is always changing with new experiences and personal growth. A little self-questioning goes a long way.
I recently read an article called How Will You Measure Your Life by Clayton Christensen, who is a Harvard Business School professor. He suggests that humility is a key to success and describes this as the ability to always be looking around for lessons. Indeed, life is constantly presenting us with people and experiences to teach us if we are willing to learn. Unfortunately, we may think we can only learn from certain people and disregard others. This gets back to our judging minds. We may judge others as inferior in some way and discount what they may have to teach us.
While I am still irritated about this highly judgmental article about cursing, it is a nice reminder to me to keep an open mind and today more than ever — to keep listening to others. I may not always want to hear what they say, but I will never learn if I only listen to the things I like. WTF? I didn’t even know “damn” was a bad word! MOMF.
